dress: F21; tights: Hue via Macy's; boots: Steve Madden (Nettle); jewelry: I made; belt: Kohl's
I’m feeling a bit down today and the reason I’m feeling down? Everyone is PREGNANT! Bloggers I follow, cousins, friends….when’s it gonna be my turn?! *pushed out bottom lip* I never thought I would be saying that. I always thought I was going to be a “if we get pregnant, we get pregnant” now that I actually want to I have absolutely no patience! “It could take up to a year” my doctor said – oh hell no! If it takes a year, I’m gonna end up eating a whole gallon of ice cream per week. I’m totally eating my feelings as of late. I’m not gaining baby weight, just depression weight. My impatience is making my waistline grow. I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those ladies that got pregnant on the first try, nothing really plays out that easily in my life experience, but it still sucks. I stated that to myself as a defense mechanism so I wouldn’t be disappointed early on, well, it didn’t work… L Instead of tapping my foot while I wait, I'm stomping around like a buffalo. (A buffalo in a blue floral dress no less.)
As a woman I’ve spent a ½ of my life avoiding pregnancy with preventatives. It seemed so easy to get pregnant if you were not, now that I want to, why isn’t it as easy as I thought it was going to be? Lame. And just when I actually start to believe “it’s totally fine, it’s going to happen. Don’t worry” I turn around and someone else is pregnant and I get down again. I’m having a hard time being unconditionally happy for these people with this oppressive want hanging over my head. I’m not an asshole, but it’s making me feel like one. I just need to be happy with the potential to have a baby and that we might meet that potential. Some people cannot have babies at all and I’m not there yet. I hope I don’t ever arrive there either. Life may require it, but for right now, I need to believe that won’t be an issue and be happy with possibilities.
I saw this beautiful article yesterday about a couple who had 7 biological children and then went and adopted 1, then 2 more, then a total of 6 more. A thirteen child home- WOW! Those are the most selfless people EVER! If we can’t have children naturally, adoption is more than a possibility, but a necessity. Just writing that sentence I feel like I’m getting really ahead of myself.
It just got me thinking, that’s all.
Suck it up KellyAnn, it could be a whole heck of a lot worse. At least I still get to sit down and watch t.v. when I get home from work (after feeding the animals of course). I heard that doesn’t happen a lot when kids are in the mix. heheh
Maybe tonight I’ll turn to low calorie frozen yogurt instead of ice cream…
So that is my outpouring of emotion for today…Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow after a good nights sleep.
A small pick me up is - Tomorrow is Wednesday!!! Hump day - Friday will be that much closer.